I have to define my yearly goals for my company today. Every year I go through a cycle where I define my own personal goals, which has always been easy for me. This year, I barely have the motivation to accomplish even this simple task. What are my goals? To leave this job behind me. The only problem is – every path I have tried so far has not led me materially closer to that goal, so I remain stuck.
Recently, I have been feeling that perhaps there is a reason all my efforts fail to bear fruit – maybe I am just pushing myself down the wrong road. I’ve been meaning to write a post detailing all the methods I have discovered about leading an alternate lifestyle, ones which have worked for others and what I have adopted from each, but that post is for another day.
Instead, I have been thinking that I need to reset. Stop working on my side businesses, stop producing new products, or considering freelancing. I no longer know the answer to the question “If you had a billion dollars, what would you do with life?” The way I once did. The ideal life has changed. I no longer dream of starting and running a company. In fact, I don’t really dream of anything.
What I really need is a nice long break, a break from the day to day. My job wears me down constantly, and leaves me barely any energy for myself. I keep trying to change, but every other job looks the same to me. Even my vacation is used up. I have 4 weeks now, but all of it will go to visiting family overseas, up north, or family events like weddings I feel obligated to attend. I can’t just quit – I am the only one working now and I barely have enough savings for a month of bill paying. So maybe next year I can take a week off to recharge, but it seems so far away.
Instead, I am setting aside time this weekend to find a new direction. Perhaps after this, I will forego IT or even technical work all together. It was once my passion, but I am no longer sure. Unless I redefine my dream and feel passionate about it, I don’t think I will be able to make any forward motion. At least if I had a long term goal to work for, like becoming a master craftsman, I would know if any given step would bring me closer or not.